Hi Friend
I’m sitting on a plane flying directly from OKC to LA. My daughter is moving here for the year. I’m sure I’ve already told you, she graduated Valedictorian with Honors, yet decided on a gap year, which I’m a big fan. She’s living and serving at a ministry non-profit called the Dream Center. They do really amazing work with a variety of impoverished and vulnerable people groups.
I’m super proud of her and also trying to grapple with the factthat she’s going to live soooooo far away!! My son left home a few years ago, but has just been up the turnpike. I visited him so often, he had to leave the country on a study-abroad to try to get some distance. I’m what they call an “involved dad”. Not helicopter, not smothering, but definitely active.
I like both my kids. I mean, I really enjoy being with them one-on-one listening to how they think, process and see the world. I cringe when I see my flaws transferred into their being and manifest through their personality. And I swell, when I think something I’ve deposited in them has taken root and grown unexpectedly and beautifully from their core.
Parenting is a brutal business. Every mom and dad (steps and Gparents as well), genuinely doing what they know to do, trying to position their kid for fulfillment, success and happiness; yet every child has their own internal wiring that compels them to respond, resist or rebel in different ways in different seasons.
I’ve personally enjoyed every season with my kids. I’ve never been one to say or believe “It goes by so fast.” That hasn’t been the case. Some days, many days, it actually seemed to go really sloooooooow. Granted when they got their vehicles, they were around a lot less. But let’s be honest, they’d been around for 16 years every.single.day prior to that.
Time is Felt in Context of Hope
I may know a parent or two, who genuinely wish their kids would stay children forever. Whether they find such joy in their parental role or simply love that particular season, when that desire exists, it tends to make time feel fast.
In every area of life, when we think time feels fast, it’s because our present reality is quite enjoyable. Of course, misery drags on like mud through an hourglass. When we access our own flow time zips along. When we’re stuck on a problem time drips. Apparently joy also impacts how time feels.
I’ve had a friend describe me as “literal”. As fun and creative as I can be, I tend to land on literalness. My argument against all this talk of time moving fast and slow is that IT’S NOT! It’s exactly the same every day for everyone. Always has been, always will be. However…
The Feeling of Time, is Different then Time
It’s hard for me to appreciate the squishy side of absolutes. Granted, I’m a dude with loads of emotions, optimism and faith, yet find it difficult to value others perspectives that sound contrary to reality. I feel compelled to qualify that statement. I won’t. I’m working these days to articulate what’s happening inside me, without having to justify, disclaim or explain. Simply acknowledge.
The Feeling of Time challenges me.
The Feeling of Time threatens me.
The Feeling of Time asks me to reconsider.
The Feeling of Time requires a new belief from me.
What idea strikes you in a way that causes you to immediately reject it?
Instigating Ideas…
1. Tell your kids a specific reason you are proud of them.
2. Encourage a parent you come across.
3. Write down a feeling that contrasts facts, that you believe or say.
My imagination and hopeful anticipation for my kids always was caring, cool, smart, generous, contributing adults. Thus, time warping never occurred. Now that we’re here, I’ll be curious how time feels.
I’m confident Lainey is going to dominate this new season of life. I’m not so sure I will. 😟