Hi Friend
It was quite a week. Last Saturday, I got to attend the MN State Fair. Let me tell you, they are very excited about their “Great Get-Together.” My friend Josh was taking his boys and generously invited me to go along. It’s big. It’s paved. It’s packed. It’s got all the trappings of other fairs plus their own local cookie Queen, Sweet Martha, who stacks cookies way beyond the bucket.
I love Lake Minnetonka, so my wife took me to a little town south of us, Excelsior. These places around the lake are so quaint and spectacular! I rode my bike for the first time and got a flat tire. Had to walk it back 4 miles. My little office got its name plate. I started going to the chiropractor and they do the exact same thing they did to me 15 years ago.
On top of all that, I actually did a lot of work too. When I’m not traveling, I seem to be loaded with zooms. Lots of preparation for some upcoming events and more networking with people in the local business community. I’m grateful.
Michelle and I are still navigating the transition of daily being together. It’s been harder than either of us expected. Thankfully we communicate consistently and candidly. Of course, that doesn’t mean it produces the results, we’d like. But it does keep our hearts and the stories-in-our-mind, in plain view.
EXPECTATIONS
I’m not joking when I said the chiropractor does literally exactly what the same guy did 15 years ago. I flashed back when he turned me on my side and crunched down on me. I don’t know why, but I expected something different. I guess it’s the same pelvis issue, so the fix is the same?
We often talk about expectations in relationships, but I find I have plenty of them in life, all on my own. How about you? Of course, we don’t even know they’re there, until they’re not met. I didn’t expect to get a flat tire, so when it happens, I get to choose what to do with the feelings it inspires. I also didn’t expect to find fried buckeyes at the state fair which created an entirely different sensation!
On average, I wonder how many expectations we carry with us each day?
MET
Imagine if each morning we jotted them down? I think they’re like decisions, they’re so baked into us, extracting each one specifically would add up to thousands. I bet loads of them are met each day too. Unfortunately, it’s the unmet one’s that get all the attention. What if at the end of the day we wrote down all our MET expectations? We might be a little more grateful, huh?
Forget life and other people, it’s the expectations we have for ourselves that are the most powerful and present. What stinks is, when we’re not meeting our own expectations, we tend to turn outward and demand it from others. Self-disappointment is grueling. But man, when we live up to who we aspire to be, it’s the most rejuvenating, satisfying, fulfilling life.
Instigating Ideas…
1. Go to the fair!
2. On a scale of 1-10, where are you on living up to your own expectations?
3. Share with someone your strategy for managing missed expectations.
4. Go for a bike ride (& take a pump).
Grief and disappointment exist in the space between reality and expectations. The bigger the gap, the more pain appears. I learned a lot about that when my first marriage ended. Since then, I’ve discovered if we are meeting our own expectations, which enables a contentment, when grief and disappointment appear, their impact is much less dynamic.
Our low-grade self-disappointment exaggerates and magnifies disproportionally missed expectations.
THE VIEW
I really do love Lake Minnetonka. One of the fabulous things about it is the sunset. The sky somehow appears differently in contrast with the water. It’s captivating. I loved sunsets in Oklahoma too. There’s just something special water brings to it. Same sky, same sun, different experience.
The same is true with expectations. What context we view them from makes all the difference. When our soul is at peace, it’s as if we’ve been purified in the waters of Lake Minnetonka. Our frustration with others is directly proportional to the frustration we have with ourselves.
I hope this week you consciously identify expectations you have for yourself. I dare you to evaluate frustrations, grief and disappointments in contrast to your own met (or unmet) expectations. Hopefully, you notice all the unexpected good that appears daily too!