Hi Friend
What happened? Where did all the snow go? We had a thawing out that decimated the beautiful white landscape I’ve been living in for months. I honestly thought I moved to the planet Hoth. In a matter of 48 hours it all disappeared. Fortunately, I got to enjoy a little bit more one evening watching the sun set over Lake Minnetonka.
This week I also found myself back at my favorite pinball joint, racking up a high score on the Addams Family machine (my favorite). My speaker friend Keith was in town for an event with one of his other businesses, so we got to hang out. At church, Gary Chapman, the author of the Five Love Languages spoke. He’s 87, spry and funny.
Have you read The Five Love Languages? If you haven’t, I’m sure you are at least familiar with what they are: Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation & Quality Time. The idea being that we all speak our own language, as do our spouses, kids, loved ones and friends – and if we want to show love, we need to speak their native love tongue.
Gary shared the origin story of how he discovered these five. He had some pretty great stories about the power of persistent love. He mentioned we tend to naturally express love the way we want to receive it. What has been your experience? Do you and your spouse work to speak the other’s language?
REALITY OF LANGUAGE
He said it’s rare for couples to have the same language. Thankfully, I think my wife and I are similar. However, it still requires work to get it right. I love that he uses “Language” as the container for these expressions. Prior to him no one thought that giving a gift was “speaking a language.” Once you do, you realize you can learn it.
Like other languages there are dialects, subtleties, catch-phrases and HOW they are expressed that add or subtract to the meaning. Nuance, baby. Language is a vast resource that encapsulates reality. Language enables the conveyance of all understanding. If it can’t be articulated, described or communicated in some fashion, does it exist? Which is why when we don’t speak someone else’s language, they question our love.
CREATORS OF LANGUAGE
Since I love words and know they have power to transform our life, thinking and beliefs, the idea of language – the system that contains all the words – is fascinating. That’s one of the things Tolkien did when writing the Lord of the Rings; he created a language. HE CREATED A LANGUAGE! What! Can WE create a language?
I think it’s more likely, as Dr. Chapman has done, is that we can DISCOVER languages that already exist. If there is a Love Language, then I’m certain there is a Fear Language. Stemming from those two, I imagine subsets exist: Compassion, Faith, Doubt, Confidence, Defeated, Angry – not just phrases, but whole constructs for utterance. What if we became Master Articulators of languages?
Instigating Ideas…
1. Determine your love language & discover someone else’s.
2. Besides love, what language would you most like to master?
3. Create a list of 5 different ways someone could speak your love language
What if part of the reason we’ve succeeded or failed in life is because we didn’t realize we weren’t speaking the right language? Both of my kids got great news this week about future job opportunities. I know one of the reasons they experience such favor in life is because they both speak the Likability Language.
DO INTENTIONS COUNT?
Gary told the story of a couple who visited him in counseling and the man was listing off all the things he did for his wife: cooking, vacuuming, laundry, mowing, washing cars, cleaning and concluded with “I don’t know what else she wants from me?!” Isn’t it frustrating when we are TRYING SO HARD and it just doesn’t seem to matter. It causes us to be disheartened and give up.
The wife was like “I just want him to sit and talk with me. But he’s always too busy cooking, vacuuming, doing laundry, mowing, etc…” His intentions were loving and sincere, yet because he spoke the wrong language, it almost destroyed them. LANGUAGE MATTERS MORE THAN INTENTION! Once he started speaking hers, the reality of his love materialized.
I hope this week you pay attention to what kind of language works best for those you’re communicating with – whether in love, work or life, notice what strikes a chord. You can learn a new language if you decide to. Heck, maybe you’ll even create one! Construct the reality you need with the language you choose.