Hi Friend
This summer seems to be trucking along. It’s already July! I like it. I’ve been doing mostly personal traveling these last two weeks. As you know I went camping last week and this week I’ve been on the road. I went to St. Louis for a few days to participate in an orientation at St. Louis University (SLU). My daughter starts there in mid-August.
Since I was so close, I drove up to Chicago to see my son who moved into a fabulous high-rise apartment (26th floor). His first adult job has him working remotely, which he doesn’t love. They have an office but are closing it when the lease runs out. They have offices all over the world and are doing the same thing with them: Going 100% remote.
Another season of life for both my kids means another layer of life for me. It’s interesting how we can be in our own season and when the ones we love transition, it indirectly alters our existence. Just because it’s indirect, doesn’t mean it isn’t highly impacting. It’s really an extension or expansion. I now have two more cities that could effectively be “home” because part of my heart is in each of them.
Even though Lainey is just going to school there I’m fairly certain she won’t return to OKC. She didn’t apply to one school in our entire state. Oklahoma can’t contain the vision the girl has for herself. 🙂 Kids are a universe unto themselves. At this age, we parents are grateful for the gravitational pull that keeps us connected. Otherwise, they might forget we exist.
Parenting is a contact sport!
I’ve been told I’m a good dad. I’m not sure I feel it. I’m not sure any parent feels adequate for the task, even when the “task” is complete – as if it ever could be. I’ve never been one to suffer “imposter syndrome”. I’m genuinely who I am, wherever I am. However, as a dad, I’ve felt quite deficient. Do we as parents ever feel competent? I’ve been around lots of other guys who dad in a way that makes me envious. Not of them particularly, but of their approach, perspective, and ease that seems to come naturally to them. I sorta feel like I’m a dad like I am a runner. I do it, but it is always work and not that graceful. Thankfully my kids far surpass my skillset and haven’t been limited by my incompetence. I’ve got the basics down:
Dad 101
Love unconditionally
Verbalize that Love in a variety of ways
Be available
Be consistent
Be yourself
Keep on loving no matter what
When I write that, it doesn’t seem that difficult. When I live it, I’m not convinced it’s enough.
What would you add to the list?
It goes back to our metrics of success. How do we measure ourselves? It’s not a comparison game. We can only measure ourselves against ourselves; while finding inspiration from others. How do you feel successful as a parent?
One essence of love is “I wish I was more so I could give you more.” It’s not an insecurity so much as a sincere desire to be better equipped for the responsibility.
Instigating Ideas…
1. Are you conscious of your own season separate from your kids season?
2. Do you have other good parents to chat about parenting – makes all the difference!
3. What’s one way to get better at parenting this week?
4. Are kids meant to notice our growth as a parent?
Since it’s been going on every day now for over 22 years, I’ve grown fond of Incompetent Dad’ing. If at any moment I felt settled in my capabilities, I’m certain my daughter would assure me otherwise. 😜 I appreciate that I’m not striving, but am aware that,
as I become a better man, I become a better dad.
Our kids possess the qualities of who we are, not who we purport to be.
Hopefully, you can obtain your own useful meaning from my Dad Ramblings. I’m sure there is an undertone of sentiment, I didn’t fully articulate, as well as a subtle sadness about my future proximity with my kids.
I would love to hear how you navigate your role as a parent and self-assess your progress or setbacks? What skill or attribute have you incorporated that you witnessed from another and made your own?