Hi Friend
My mom busted my chops this week. I talk with her regularly and share lots of details about what’s going on in my life, personally and professionally. Over the last 15 months it’s been an emotional journey filled with challenges… again, both professionally and personally, as I know it has been for you too. It’s caused me to be less disciplined and focused.
I have persisted in declining productivity, though fortunately with a stellar team around me, we’re still making progress. I was telling this to my mom and her retort was that recently it’s evident I’d become EVEN LESS focused and disciplined. Her diagnosis is I’m still on the downslide and haven’t yet made the turn back to a healthy, purposeful groove. 😳
It stung in the best kind of way… humorous, painful and accurate. I shared it with Sarah and Monica to let them know I’m sincerely going to consciously assert the necessary actions to remove my mothers disdain. 😜 I go back to James Clear’s articulation in Atomic Habits – All behavior change is identity change. I’m conjuring up what my identity would need to be, in order to live with disciplined and focused attributes.
This isn’t the first time my mom’s words have inspired action in my life. When I was in the 9th grade, I got busted spending the night out on the streets of Ashland, with Tony Campo, drinking Little Kings beer. My mom was so disappointed in me. Honestly it’s the first time I ever recall her saying those words. She made me promise to not drink again.
37 years later, I’ve stuck to that promise*.
I was talking to someone just this week about drinking. They asked me why I don’t. The usual preamble is if I or someone in my family was/is an alcoholic or if I had some sort of tragic incident involving alcohol, etc? Nope.
I told my mom I wouldn’t.
It’s really really funny to say that to people. It’s such an unexpected response. Granted I’ve got a few other reasons as well, but that was the primary catalyst.
Promises are commitments with feelings.
When we make a promise it is always personal. The consequence of keeping or breaking one impacts someone else. Commitment is similar, but feels more contractual, less intimate. Just saying the words out loud invokes a different sentiment. Commitment comes from the head, promise comes from the heart.
A promise creates a stronger bond. That’s why when we break them or they’re broken with us, it causes a deeper, weightier, more significant repercussion: PAIN. When a commitment is broken, it causes frustration. Both are disappointing.
When a promise is fulfilled it’s a conduit for deep joy. Commitments completed bring satisfaction. Both thicken trust.
I didn’t promise Sarah and Monica I was going to be more disciplined and focused. I just said I would. Definitely it was a statement of commitment. What if I had said “I promise you ladies I’m going to make this adjustment.”?
Where would you dare make more promises in your life?
And with whom?
Instigating Ideas
1. Call your mom. (If she’s no longer with us, encourage a mom!)
2. List five promises you’ve made and evaluate if you’re consistently keeping them.
3. Are there any commitments you’ve made that could benefit from an upgrade?
A promise is blockchain for the soul. When two people have exchanged a promise, it becomes the conduit to grow that relationship. This is true in all forms of human connection.
What if we were more intentional about making promises and inviting others into a promise with us? As a kid, my mom “made” me. As an adult, being challenged to convert a commitment to a promise seems like a worthy leadership ask. Can you imagine if when you said you would do something the other person responded “Do you promise?”
Maybe you should try it?