Hi Friend
It’s been an odd week. Things you’d think would generate a positive sensation have produced the opposite. Stuff you’d imagine would be unwanted, is welcomed. In between both are the common realities generating expected results. Did I mention, I’m in the final week of wedding planning?
It’s been a bit of a tense whirlwind. Enough unexpected challenges that I stopped by my favorite counselor’s office to chat for a bit. He had a great reference about Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: how ludicrous, pressurized and intense it was right up until the point of Charlie getting the keys to the factory.
I could tell it was not his first time using this analogy. The grandiose nature of two lives merging, for a second attempt, with lots of life to mesh together is genuinely difficult. However, the idea of my soon-to-be wife represented as a glorious, magical chocolate factory and all its wonderment, seemed spot on!
I do feel like Charlie. Despite the unexpected twists and turns of the last couple of weeks, I’m completely in awe and giddy with delight that next week at this time I’ll be waking up married to such an incredible, unique woman who surpasses all of my imaginations. #ChocolateGirl
IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE HARD
My faith is based on a collection of writings, written over generations and millennia, assembled by a wild process of flawed humans, which incredibly, offers me the most relevant guidance for my life today. Besides the Hero of the story, the other constant throughout the text is that the Will of the Creator is inherently hard.
If it’s easy, it’s not Him, or our best. The irony is that people use this Holy Book to point to a vision, purpose or aspirational goal for our lives, when actually, embedded in every story recorded, is that the premium value is placed on the process. What the difficulty reveals or produces IS the objective.
I reference this because marriage is designed to be the ultimate sanctifying process.
SURRENDER
The journey that’s led us to this wedding day, has been one of practicing surrendering. In my previous marriage and relationship I did not. I regret that.
The opportunity to maintain our voice, while being selfless, is a tricky maze of humility. It’s a useful discipline for all of our relationships and life scenarios. Surrender feels like a relinquishing of autonomy, when really it is position of strength when endowed with thick trust.
Our society and ego values control, acquiring and consumption. Our souls however, require letting go. Therein lies the rub within us and our relationships. We resist what’s best for us while attempting to achieve it by any other means. :/
Instigating Ideas…
1. Watch the original Willy Wonka.
2. Consider where you might attempt greater selflessness.
3. Encourage someone who is going through a difficult experience.
Hard tends to hurt. That’s why when we’re in the midst of pain do we rarely want to prolong it. Yet shortcutting the process only produces greater agony with worse consequences. I suspect like me, you’ve proven that one a few times.
GO THROUGH
The Guthrie house saga has concluded (mostly). I closed on it and lost almost as much money as I had originally planned on spending. I spent close to 3x my initial commitment. It completely defeated and deflated me. Mostly because it was self-inflicted by my own ignorance and poor choices.
I was devastated and weirdly felt lifeless which is a strange sensation. I had to consciously choose to keep going. That’s how Charlie gets the key. We can’t let the Oompa Loompas distract us or camp out in the valley of the shadow.
I hope this week you go through the hard. Don’t stop to complain. Lean into the hard conversation or situation. Then continue on, so the gift from the process appears sooner.