Hi Friend
What a fun week! I spent the first half with my good friends at Case & Associates for our annual RED Conference. This year Case celebrated 40 years of being in business. Our theme was about leaving a legacy. I crafted a message about leading with LegoC. (We played with lego’s). Mike Case, the founder, shared a story about his heroic survival of a plane crash in a lake in Alaska.
He told it so casually as if it were common. He was in his early 50’s when it happened. It was one of those pontoon planes. They crashed nose-first into the water at 160mph. Everything broke off and the fuselage sunk to the bottom of the lake. Three of the passengers died immediately. Mike pulled his friend from the underwater tomb and saved his life. He grabbed another man who was floating away and saved his life. All this with multiple broken bones in 39 degree water!!
Mike is such a mild-mannered guy, and he told the story without dramatics, though it was intensely shocking!
The other big fun this week was my younger brother turning 50! I have one older and one younger brother. We’ve determined to be with each other on this half century marker. Doug, the younger, didn’t know Tom and I were coming. I flew down Thursday on his birthday, getting in just after lunch.
Doug has five kids. He and his delightful wife have figured out how to navigate life without needing full time jobs. They are both incredibly smart. It wouldn’t be inaccurate to describe them as “retired” from the workforce.
BE IN AWE
You know that very popular idea of “be kind to everyone you meet because you don’t know what they’re going through?” I have another consideration for you: Be in awe of people you meet because you don’t know how bad*ss they really are…
Mike and Doug are very different, and if you interacted with either of them, you wouldn’t suspect their stories. I imagine that is true of many, many people. Grit, determination, smarts, risks, sacrifice, boldness, tenacity, resilience and many other stellar qualities lie beneath a mild demeanor. It’s appropriate to assume you and those around you have had to assert heroic qualities the last few years. I don’t know if you’ve literally saved someone’s life, but it’s a reasonable possibility.
What if all the emphasis on empathy and kindness sucked the life out of how strong, brave and competent people are? I’m not talking “toxic positivity” but a healthy regard and appreciation for most people’s capacity to do the extremely hard? (or is THAT empathy?)
LIFE IS HARD
My word for the month is “Hard”. I see it, feel it and experience it weekly. By design, life is hard. My 20 year-old daughter and I had a conversation about how MUCH HARDER it is for her generation. Of course, I challenged that premise with questions about going to war, facing a depression, recession and market collapse(s). Plus the luxury of technology, accessibility and possibility. We both assumed our classic generational positions.
Underlying her basic position was comparison; Comparison to previous times she had no personal experience with. We humans have a tendency to transpose our current reality on previous realities with total disregard to our own ignorance of the mindset, nuance and functionality of those times.
In all matters of life in which we compare ourselves to anyone, anytime, anything… we will come up short. The tool of comparison has a predetermined end result: Someone else has it better. Expectations certainly play a role in our sense of loss, missed opportunities, fairness and hope. If we anticipate an Instagram life, disappointment will be a constant companion.
Instigating Ideas…
1. Celebrate a sibling or relative.
2. Remove any and every comparison you’re currently making.
3. Praise someone for how amazing they are.
I love recognizing the personal power that many are exerting to live fulfilled. I’m regularly impressed with individuals with whom I interact. Creativity, ingenuity and innovation is rampant when navigating everyday life. Most don’t consider themselves to be “creative” but how they manage their difficult scenarios – whether kids, jobs, homes, family, health, money, relationships – wreak of Picasso-level imagination.
RESOURCEFUL
I’m proud of you. You are resourceful. In the midst of hardship, we discover our own resolve. Finding a reprieve from feeling like it’s always a fight, is also necessary. Prayer, meditation, volunteering, laughing, exercising, reading and good friends offer that relief.
I hope you never find yourself at the bottom of a freezing lake. Sometimes life on solid ground feels just as overwhelming, though. Mike said when he was trying to get his bearings, he just watched which way the bubbles were going. You may not have all the answers and resources you wish you did, but if you’ll just follow the bubbles – your source of life – you’ll find your way.
I hope this week when things are hard you think “this is normal” and “I do hard things well.” Free yourself of comparison with the tool of gratitude. It’s a much better one and more accurate.