Hi Friend,
It’s been one of those weeks where a variety of encounters instigated a deluge of emotions. The dynamic range of the human soul is rather amazing. Of course all of the feelings were prompted by another person. I had numerous meals and meetings with people I love which unleashed glorious delight, laughter and security.
I also danced with sorrow. She’s a relatively new emotion that came into my life a couple of years ago. My mom doesn’t like when she shows up. She feels sorry for my sadness. I personally don’t mind. It’s strange to say, but I kind of like feeling sad. Even though it has a lasting residue, I don’t live there.
What I like least about sorrow is that it drains my energy and hollows out my physical core. However it affords me the opportunity to lean into my faith and rehearse the Chinese Farmer parable, which I love and live by: “Maybe“
The last two decades there has been sooooooo much literature around happiness. Heck, there is a whole Happiness Movement. People are striving to avoid sadness. Seems like it would be smarter to have a “Doing Sadness Well” movement.
I know, I know… because of the exhausting side-effectsno one wants to hang out in the land of lament. If it’s buddy grief shows up, then we have a whole “process” to go through. Who has time for that?! From my experience though…
Sorrow Exists Only in the Context of Love
Which, that seems fair to me. We get to experience euphoric highs because of love, we might as well have a counter balance, huh? The consistency of commitment is the stabilizing force that our emotions revolve around whether up or down. Our preference is living above that line as much as possible. Go figure.
I said in the opening paragraph that my emotions were “prompted by another person.” I prefer the perspective that people don’t “make” us feel any way. They certainly can provoke us, creating the opportunity for a wide range of emotional sensations. The whole idea of “You make me so _________.” just isn’t true. It’s a deflection from our own responsibility, whether happy, angry, sad, mad or glad.
We are responsible for our own emotions!
It’s a difficult outlook to maintain, because when the emotions are negative we think “Trust me, if it were up to me, I wouldn’t choose to feel this way.” Pain is not a sentiment any of us pick. It could be we need to separate feelings and emotions? Someone can say or do something hurtful. We can’t help that. But we can attach an emotion, whether bitterness, amusement or numerous other options. The classic stimulus – response scenario, with a twist of emotional intelligence thrown in.
Instigating Ideas…
1. Is there some sadness in you that you haven’t shared with someone? Please do.
2. Are you choosing an emotional response that’s actually hurting you? Please stop.
3. Are you blaming someone else for how you feel? Consider not.
4. Make sure to be around people who lift your spirit. Call them now.
I don’t mind talking about when I’m sad. I don’t mind crying. I think of it just like laughing. When joy is present we tend to laugh. When sorrow is around, we tend to cry. Our bodies are designed to physically release our emotions. It’s natural and healthy. Repressing either is unadvisable.
This letter is a classic example of sorrow. I literally had SEVEN different positive encounters with people this week. I had ONE experience that birthed sadness. That one got ALL the attention. I understand suffering likes to position itself as all-consuming. I’ll let it have it’s run for a bit, but then I’ve got to remind myself there are loads of reasonsto host lots of positive emotions.
Let’s give every emotion a turn to be in the spotlight!
I would love to hear how you navigate sadness in your own life. Do you have any good mental, physical or spiritual practices that let you process through and then find relief? Please Share!