Hi Friend
This has been a full week of work. Several conversations about shifting conferences to virtual experiences. I’m on the hunt for the best virtual platform to host a conference. Also, I shot a 30 minute webinar with my friend Erin O’Malley for an upcoming HR Summer School that was really fun. This weeks HostingCEOs conversation was a panel which made for lively interaction.
Some big news though is that I got my hair cut from the place I use to get my hair cut before hair cuts weren’t allowed. Also, my wife and I went for a walk Friday night around Arcadia lake. It was beautiful and packed out. Several photographers were there taking pictures of couples. We weren’t the only ones who needed to get out of the house for some fresh air, apparently.
With the world opening back up it’s interesting to see how everyone is pacing their own reintegration. As is typical of human nature, many have opinions about how others are doing it or not doing it. I’m regularly fascinated at the amplitude of expression individuals freely make about other people they don’t know. It’s embedded in our society, yet it still plays out one person at a time.
Why is it we need to criticize? What is it about verbalizing disparaging differences that creates such a soothing sense of superiority? I’m not talking political, conspiracy, celebrity or national viewpoints, I’m referring to the one-on-one assessments we make about those in our proximity.
Judgment feels good.
Even in a Zoom-filled, virtual world of interacting with layers of pretense stripped away, we can still find ways to condemn. Aren’t we impressive? It seems self-congratulatory to be able to point out all the wrongs of someone else’s choices. It creates a weirdly affirming impression for our ego, like we have inside information the reflects our remarkable prowess. We don’t.
Being critical is lazy.
It’s easy to find fault in others, especially when we self-generate the criteria-for-right and then act as judge. It’s hard to mentally and emotionally put ourselves in their situation and truly understand with compassion.
It’s easy to ascribe motivation to someone’s actions that are contrary to ours. It’s hard to imagine their motivation is similar to ours and yet their response is entirely different.
It’s easy to attribute deficiencies to character or capacity when someone falters in an area we thrive. It’s hard to spotlight our own suckage in comparison to anothers success.
It’s easy to talk about someone’s shortcomings. It’s hard to talk directly to them about those very same imperfections.
It’s easy to define individuals narrowly. It’s hard to consider the complexity of the past that has produced the current version of their reality.
It’s easy to see flaws. It’s hard to reveal ours.
I cannot fathom being a judge in a courtroom. The weight of consequence from their conclusion is sometimes life-altering. It’s alway life impacting for someone. The emotional fortitude to daily enact judgments is beyond my comprehension. The irony is they do exactly the opposite of what we do when making judgments:
They deal only in facts.
They require evidence.
They don’t consider appearances.
They don’t include their own biases.
I wonder if it’s because no one but our ego is impacted that we relish the role of judge? Granted we wish our way of thinking, doing, being was enacted upon all humanity, but when we express criticisms I can’t imagine we think it will produce change. It seems to only strengthen our resolve in self-righteousness.
Let me offer a disclaimer just in case you are gathering steam to criticize these words of mine – which you are welcome to do. I am for diverse points of view being heartily debated. I support critical exploration of positions that are at odds with one another. I like robust discussions fueled by opposing passions when articulated respectfully.
Being critical of someone isn’t in the same league as thinking critically.
Instigating Ideas
1. Think of a way you fail similarly to someone you judge harshly.
2. Is there someone you simply don’t like? I suspect they behave in a way you detest. Write out three different reasons they may act that way.
3. Get outside and walk!
4. Consider a belief or action you were willing to change when someone challenged you? Were they critical, supportive, both or neither?
5. When you criticize someone, write down three attributes that reveals about you.
There will be plenty of wrong in how those in our sphere of exposure navigate the next few months. There will also be plenty of right. Mostly there will be sincere effort that is neither right nor wrong, just trying. Let’s access as much of our emotional intelligence as we can collaborating with grace, humility, humor and empathy as we make judgments about them.
I dare you to elevate your critical judgey ways this week by removing your own bias from the equation. I would love to hear how you assess another’s actions without it. Please Share.
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As more conversations with clients transpire, more solutions emerge. This week I bought the URL “HostingTEAMs.com” to stay on brand with our Virtual Offerings, like HostingCEOs. Haven’t updated the site yet.
It’s been a discovery of how to serve best. We’re still evolving, but so far have:
1. Augmented Virtual Team Experience. A three hour interactive online encounter.
2. A Series of Fortunate Events. A four week virtual encounter combining keynotes, conversations, games and an expert panel. I include friends who are specialist along for the ride.
3. Conference in a Big Box. From the online platform to working with exhibitors, speakers and volunteers, we are creating the alternative way to do a big impact conference, when it can’t happen in person. Turn-key as they kids say.
Since it’s all happening in real time, their evolution has been exciting. Even more, I anticipate discovering new ways in this upcoming week to serve clients. We like brainstorming solutions. If you’re trying to figure something out, schedule one of my 30 meeting minutes on Monday afternoon to chat. Go here.