Hi Friend
It’s been a fun week. I had reverse déjà vu. I flew from here (MSP) to OKC for an event in Stillwater. I got a rental car in OKC. I visited the old house which already has a bunch of furniture in it. I saw some of the crew I just said goodbye to, two weeks ago. It almost seemed like I hadn’t left.
Another interesting feat was that I spent time in three states in one day. That’s not normal for me. On Sunday I woke up in Shreveport, flew to Madison to have lunch with my new father-in-law because I missed his 85th birthday party the night before, then drove back with Michelle to Minneapolis.
My beautiful bride and I had a conversation about when things are going to feel “normal.” Though the apartment we’re living in is mostly box free, there are still plenty of remnants from moving that need to get to the storage unit. Also, I have a clothes rack sitting out in the bedroom. My suits are right beside the bed and watch me sleep every night. It’s a bit creepy… and cramped.
About nine months ago, I wrote about hallways that transition us from one season of life to the next. Nothing about a hallway is designed for long-term. I’ve never seen someone set up a dining area or bedroom, in a hallway. They’re meant to pass through, not live in. We’re living in a hallway and it won’t feel normal for a while.
SPACE
I’m not referring so much to the space that is being taken up. I can exist pretty effectively in a tent. More so the co-joining of daily routines and habits. Of course having the presence of another human constantly is an adjustment – but I love that aspect. I could be around my wife all day, every day and be completely content.
The space most effected is our mind-space. Considerations neither of us have had before, are now constant. Considering one another is a willful act of respect. Incorporating another’s perspective and making it as valid as our own, takes intentionality. Consciously considering feels like the most sincere act of love.
PREFERENCE
I’ve never been one to aspire to “normal.” I prefer abnormal, exceptional, different, unusual, odd, rare, quirky, outrageous, and slightly off. The appeal of normalcy never took hold. It feels plain, safe, and uninspiring. Have you noticed our preferences tend to create resistance?
What you and I prefer seems best, and even right. When others suggest the opposite of it, they can be described as … what’s the word…oh yeah… whack-a-doodle. Surely, we’ve vetted these preferences and proven them out to be terrific! If you disagree, you’re missing it.
Why do we want, or even need, agreement with our predilections?
Instigating Ideas…
1. Define normal and ask others to do the same.
2. What hallway thoughts consume too much of your attention?
3. Who could you intentionally consider?
4. Go with someone else’s preference this week instead of yours.
What I love about traveling is discovering the Norms of different cities and regions. Have you ever had real cheese curds? Go to Wisconsin. In Stillwater, Eskimo Joe’s has been normal for 50 years. Johnny’s Pizza House is another 50-year tradition, only in Shreveport. Is normal, normal? Apparently, it depends on geography and your family dynamics growing up, but let’s not delve into that right now.
I AM NORMAL
This really bugs me. I think I’m probably normal for opposing normality. When I grew up, standing out as an individual wasn’t as preferred as being considered part of the crowd. These days everyone leans into their unique identity, prioritizing individualism, making oddity, normal. Are you odd, normal, or both?
Thankfully this business of considering others, preferring their preference over mine, still feels a bit rebellious. I’m grateful my fabulous wife is giving me the chance to practice this, so I can maintain my abnormal life. Isn’t it fantastic how love enables the opportunity for unprecedented self-repudiation? Consider it…
I hope this week you are offered numerous opportunities to prefer someone else and experience the pain and joy of abnormality. Hopefully the practice of consideration will magnify the rarity of your humanity!