Hi Friend
This week was a bit traumatic. I finally brought to an end my relationship with my builder on the Guthrie House Project. It was the strangest thing. When we started this, he had built almost 10 homes – so not a veteran builder, but enough experience to make him credible. Unfortunately, he couldn’t self-manage this one even after grace after grace after grace had been extended.
A fun twist a few days before that I dressed up as a trophy husband to emcee a non-profit costume fundraiser gala. We raised over twice as much as the goal! (The gold subliminally compelled them to give more). Another upside to the week was my friend David is releasing his second album in two weeks and had a listening party. It’s a crunchy blues delight.
I was telling my friend Dena about my builder situation after I had him sign the quit-claim deed which removed him from the partnership. Just how weird it was that he didn’t do it. And more so that he wouldn’t tell me he couldn’t do it. Dena suggested it might be his pride, which I’m sure is true. I also think more deeply he couldn’t admit it out loud because he just couldn’t bare to accept this about himself.
He needed me to do it. I am mostly angry at myself for letting it go on and on and on. I’m gonna pay for that grace. Thankfully I can. It just hurts. It’s entirely bewildering and entirely understandable to me. You and I don’t want to acknowledge our incompetence, particularly in our profession. When we get in over our heads it strains the soul.
LIES & WILLINGNESS
What’s wild is he would SAY all the time that he was on it and wanted to do it. Unfortunately, his dang actions didn’t follow through. Sometimes lies can be intentional, manipulative and deceptive. Other times then can be cowardly, self-preserving and comforting. Ha, even now I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt, though there is literally no doubt left about his capacity.
I want so much for people to thrive. I take their word at face value and will attempt to contribute to their success. Have you ever wanted something for someone more than they were willing to do to have it? Have you seen people say they want something and then just not do what it requires to get it? For a minute you can feel sorry for them, but then you think “well if you really wanted that, you would do whatever it takes to get it, so obviously you want other things more.”
HEART’S DESIRE
I believe, you and I are the kind of people who have made hard choices, persisted beyond reason and made the necessary sacrifices to achieve our heart’s desire. Because of that we can be less than gracious with those who say words, but don’t follow through with actions. I am settled about the ending of the relationship because I know I went 100 extra miles to try to make it work.
My heart’s desire was to arrive at the end goal so we both could celebrate and benefit. Though I’ve been lied to, disappointed and disregarded, I have a sense of dignity because of how I showed up. Obviously, I’ve learned a ton. I’ve invested bunches of time and money for this education, so I’m going to make sure I never have to learn this lesson again.
Because I own my part in the midst of this failure, I have peace.
Instigating Ideas…
1. Do you need to extend grace to someone?
2. Do you need to end grace with someone?
3. How do you maintain integrity when those around you don’t?
4. Muster up the courage to take a bold step.
I don’t plan on building a house again. I also don’t plan on sitting on the sidelines feeling sorry for myself. I will definitely lose money on this venture. What I originally imagined as a glorious partnership that could go on for years, fizzled into nothingness. The power of optimism enables us to hurt, learn, take a macro-perspective and then believe again. I’m grateful for this lesson.
MORE THAN ONE OPTION
It turns out there are other builders out there. I’ve already been on property with the new builder. He starts next week. There is always more than one option in every single situation. Heck there are usually several. I once had a guy tell me about a girl “Don’t get one-itus – the disease that you think she’s the only one.” I thought it was funny. I should have listened more closely.
There are plenty of cliche’s around failure. I’m leaning into “Setbacks are a setup.” My word this month is HEART. More important than keeping my eyes and ears open for the next opportunity, I want to keep my heart open, so I don’t get bitter or jaded. That, I can’t afford!
I hope this week you take chances, play big, go for the dream and have the courage to risk whatever it takes to accomplish your heart’s desire. And if you’re hurting from a failure, I hope you can see the numerous options still available to you.