Hi Friend,
This week was fun. Monica and I did something we haven’t before, which is meet up at a coffee shop and just write. We had a deadline that I’d been dancing around and so we committed to connect every day for a couple of hours. Monica calls it “body double.” It worked well. Listening to her clacking of keys was inspirational and convicting.
We also popped back in on the Regional Food Bank to create the next steps of our drip campaign with the values we revealed last month. I was with John on Wednesday wrapping up our yearlong commitment to American Fidelity. Completion is nice. This week I also met with the leaders from Foster Care Association of Oklahoma who I am MC’ing for at the end of the month.
I had numerous zooms, calls and conversations. It was one of those weeks where time flew by. It ended Friday afternoon in Guthrie talking to the builder about finishing up. This has been the most financially expensive, painful lesson of my life. Unfortunately, my options are limited, and the sunk costs are astronomical.
Have you ever been lied to? Someone says they’re going to do something, and they just don’t do it. When confronted it’s just one excuse (reason) after another. If you’re already so deeply invested and spent so much, the options seem limited. I consistently recall from my favorite book Thinking Fast & Slow, that most people make the mistake of hanging on way too long when they should just cut their losses and move on.
HARD STOP
In the unfinished house I hand-wrote a contract that puts a hard stop. If he doesn’t do what he said he will do when he says he’ll do it, he’s removed from the partnership and loses any potential benefits. Yes, I should have done this months ago.
I don’t like being at a place where grace has run out. I like to think of myself as someone who believes in and for people. However, when time and time again they show what they are willing to do & not do, at some point I just have to accept it. I’m very familiar with the phrase “When people show you who they are, believe them.”
Have you ever believed in someone more than they believed in themselves? Or more than they “deserved” to be believed in? It’s powerful when a person leans into their potential and blossoms beyond their own imagination. I’ve gotten to be a part of that numerous times over the years and it’s incredibly rewarding.
ENABLE OR EMPOWER?
There is a fine line between those two actions. I was deep in empowerment this week. Ready-Set-Go covered it. It’s one of the values at RFBO. Our final session at AF was specifically about it. It offers a decision-making-freedom with the responsibility to own the outcome. Empowering shifts to enabling when the person gets all the autonomy up front but is spared the pain of consequences when their choices aren’t wise.
That’s obviously part of growing. Friend, you and I have failed numerous times. The point is to learn from those failures, so we don’t do them again. When we keep making the same poor choices, showing we haven’t learned, then others have to count the cost of remaining in a relationship with us.
Have you ever wanted something for someone so bad and they chose otherwise? It’s baffling, heartbreaking and disappointing. When they do choose it, it’s euphoric, exhilarating and satisfying,
Instigating Ideas…
1. If someone has empowered you, offer gratitude.
2. If you keep making the same poor choices, get accountable.
3. This week, believe hard in someone who might not deserve it.
4. Is it time to cut your losses and move on?
Monica’s body-doubling empowered me! The third day we were supposed to meet, she was unable to make it. I went to the coffee shop by myself and whoops, didn’t get a thing written. It had nothing to do with the location and everything to do with the person. I didn’t know this about myself until this week. I love learning, growing and discovering aspects of me.
THE PRICE OF TRUST
When I think about the Guthrie house experience, I realize I no longer trust the builder. He does too, because I’ve told him specifically. I’ve actually been so frustrated – mostly with myself because I know I’m enabling – that I’ve said some of the harshest things to him, so he understands how much pain he’s caused me. (Or has it been me, self-inflicting it, because I keep making the same poor choice over and over again to enable??)
Being trustworthy is costly. Extending trust is costly. The price of trust is high for everyone involved. It’s not expensive because it’s rare, it’s pricey because of the risk. The return on it can be magnificently high or devastatingly low.
I hope this week you empower, extend grace to, and trust someone. It’s better.