Big Bang of Identity

Hi Friend

This past week my annual tradition of running the half marathon in the OKC Memorial Run happened. It was painful. I had trained the least amount, that I’d ever trained. Honestly it’s not even accurate to use the word “train.” I weekly run 4-5 miles on a run. To prepare for the Half, I ran 8 miles twice and 10 miles once. This did NOT prepare my body for 13.1.

It was legitimately the most painful run I’ve ever had. Thankfully I was able to complete it. My body was not happy all this week though. I also was back down in Texas to pick out my new sound-proof windows and doors for my rent house there. While there I got to speak to a team of recruiters for UT Southwestern Medical Center. That was a lively engagement.

I also had a unique speaking opportunity for students who are in the Upward Bound program in El Reno. Some were graduating and heading off to college. It was their end-of-year banquet with parents. I loved it. I love teenagers. Life before Hawks Agency, I spoke to teenagers regularly which energized my soul. That season of life is so unique, fun and hard. 

The teenager life is like my last three miles of the half marathon. They think they are prepared for it butquickly realize it’s more challenging then they imagined and look for ways to avoid the pain (as do the parents)! It’s also exhilarating because there is a sense of independence and freedom to make decisions.

Smells Like Teen Spirit

One of the classic suggestions for people speaking is to imagine the audience in their underwear. I think this is very weird and have never attempted it. However, what I do instead when engaging with new people is envision them as they were as an 8th grader. Regardless of their current status, education or position, everyone was awkward in 8th grade.

Not only does that make them un-intimidating, it also enables me to listen for their heart. I believe that most of us sometime view ourselves through a teenage lens. I readily identify with my 14 and 17 year old self from time-to-time. Those two years of my teenage existence have somehow crystalized in my mind as peak years of that season. I don’t forget how I felt and what motivated me. It’s like I (or we) want to stay true to who we believe we’ve always been.

Identity Shaping

It’s more likely it was our first time choosing who we were going to be out in the world and how we wanted to be perceived. It was ground zero for conscious individuality. I wonder how many times you and I have done that throughout the course of our life? It happens around big season shifts, where something new will be required of us. It’s a layering effect, not replacing. So at any moment we can reference multiple variations of who we’ve been.

Hopefully we carry forward all the best traits and leave the ugly ones behind. That’s called maturing. Grown men and women can be immature because they choose to bring into this next iteration of themselves something that should have been left in the previous season (or many seasons ago). What attributes do you still retain from previous seasons? Do they serve or hinder you? 

The Big Bang of Identity erupts around 13 or 14 years of age, in 8th or 9th grade. We all still retain some of those original self-image concepts in our current adult offering.

Instigating Ideas

1. Tell someone about your peak teenage year.

2. Do you find yourself annoyed or compassionate toward the 13-18 year old crowd?

3. What one trait has remained with you since those days?

4. Imagine your boss as an 8th grader. 

My all-time favorite show to watch with my kids was Psych. We’ve watched every episode numerous times. It’s very quotable and just the best! It’s premise always started out with the main character Shawn as a teenager, then jumped to present day. His commitment was to never grow up and stay true to his teenage-self. It makes for great antics on a sitcom, but a rather wretched way to approach real life.

Freedom

This one word encapsulates the desire of that entire season of life. It’s still a fundamental driver for us but gets overshadowed by responsibility. You and I make all kinds of choices to retain or regain it. Some revert to childish ways – which creates a lot more problems. Running, for me, offers a sense of freedom. What keeps you aligned in a healthy way with your younger self, facilitating your unique identity and independence? 

I hope this week you live free and fulfilled as you express all the best attributes of your current identity. Maybe you’ll notice a trait or two you’ve brought into this season that you should have left behind. Do that.

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