Hi Friend
Last weekend I had the best time with my daughter in Los Angeles! When I picked her up on Saturday afternoon she told me her vision. “I want to shop a lot, eat a lot and spend your money.” She is a very articulate young woman with clarity about what she wants. 😆 Over the next three days we accomplished her visionand so much more. Sushi, Mexican, burgers, pizza and gelato filled our bellies.
Vintage clothes stores are all the rage, so we traipsed around Melrose and Sunset. We also went to a couple of places that were just pop-up shops; like a big swap meet, but with really nice clothes. Again, all vintage. I asked if she wanted to go to the beach. She didn’t. But after a long Saturday, she fell asleep in the car so I drove to Santa Monica. We saw the best sunset ever!
I dropped her off Saturday night, because she has responsibilities Sunday morning. I spent the night with a great friend of mine, Shawn. We’ve been friends for almost 30 years. He got married five years ago and they had a daughter. It was her two year birthday that Sunday. Shawn and I left the house at 7:30am and went to a park in Beverly Hills to set up for the party.
It was a humorous experience because the park is actually a chipping golf course and the guy chased us out of where we were setting up. Apparently for the last three years it hadn’t been functioning but now it was and we weren’t allowed on it. I pressed back a little, as is my tendency, but he literally had a piece of paper that was the city ordinance.
Instead of arguing with him, which weirdly I kind of felt inclined to do, we just moved out of that area onto a patch of grass close by, still in the park. I had the task of setting up the three tables. One of them – the most important one – was the bubbles station. Turns out the Bubble Machine had a special screw on the battery lid, and we didn’t have any screwdrivers to open it.
Good Thing I Didn’t Fight Back
Because I’m one of those guys who loves obstacles and will find solutions regardless of the challenge, I headed back to the groundskeeper of the golf course to see if he had a tool we could use. The whole time I was walking to him I was thinking “Thank God I didn’t argue with him about our set up.”
Have you ever been inclined to make a point or take a stand against someone, only to need that person just minutes, hours or days later?
Raul and I became friends that morning. He shared with me the struggles of having dog walkers, yoga classes, birthday parties, personal trainers and picnics totally disregarding his attempts to revive the grass. He also managed one other park in Beverly Hills. He took me back in the bungalow of an office and found a Leatherman, which saved the day.
Headed back to my table duties, I just kept thinking “I’m soooooo glad I didn’t unnecessarily argue with him.” And then I thought “Why did I feel compelled to in the first place?” I’m generally willing to go with the flow. However, because it was for Shawn and his two-year old daughter, I was overcome with a compulsion to try to force my way.
I’m very aware of this characteristic of mine. For a cause I believe in or a person I care about, I can be extraordinarily unreasonable. On occasion it can be a useful attribute, unfortunately for the majority of the time, it creates more problems then it solves. At least for me. Thankfully, the older I get, this tendency reveals itself publicly less and less.
I’ve burned a few really meaningful relationships by this tactic. 😔
Have you ever gotten excited by opposition? I do.
Why I love resistance:
I will find a “yes” in your “no” response.
I find joy in persuasion.
I delight in solution discovery.
I like accomplishing the unexpected.
Instigating Ideas…
1. Create a memorable experience with one of your kids.
2. Ask someone who loves you to identify a character trait that serves you some, but hinders you more.
3. How has wisdom has benefitted your relationships.
4. Are you persisting in what’s resisting?
Having allies is better than enemies. Finding solutions WITH people is better than against. Be mindful that there could be a future where what you oppose you actually need.
Sunday night, when I was getting a hotel for Lainey and me, I suggested Venice Beach. She was game. Just the day before she was opposed. We made it there in time to catch another glorious sunset! We walked along as it got dark and the boardwalk transformed. We came upon a rave near the skatepark, that was unbelievably cool and surprising.
My friend, be gentle in your opposition. You just don’t knowwhen what you defy may offer you a beautiful experience (or a handy tool)!