Hi Friend
I need to lose 20-25lbs. People around me are like “oh you don’t need to lose that much, you look fine.” Both my doctor and my body disagree. I’ve got this pudgy belly that protrudes beyond my waist line hindering my pants from fitting comfortably and slowing down my running. It’s annoying. Even more annoying is how much I like sugar and bread. Those seem to be my downfall.
In the past, I’ve used Weight Watchers as a tool to help me shed the pounds. I weirdly thrive on adhering to how many points I have for the day and trying to calculate all my options. I started using it again at the beginning of February. As usual, it altered what and how much I eat. This past week, however, something strange occurred. I ate cereal, snacks and ice cream and didn’t track them!
Why that is strange is that I kept tracking my normal meals and healthy snacks. According to WW I’m still making good choices. According to the scale, I am not. What’s funny is that I’m not keeping accountable to anyone but myself for what I’m eating. It’s just me and the app. Yet I’m lying to the app by omission.
Why would I do that?
I mean really, I’m the one who wants to lose weight. I’m the one who purchased the WW plan. I’m the one tracking everything diligently, yet this week, I excluded acknowledging the very choices that the app is designed to inform me of how far off track I am. I’ve talked with the app. He doesn’t care. He’s pretty neutral about all of it. He’s just going to let me know how many points food is and what I’ve ingested. No judgment, just pure data.
Lying to myself is easier than I prefer.
Friend, you and I have a multitude of stories we tell ourselves. Some true, some partially accurate and some not at all. Knowing that, we have a tendency to believe those stories regardless of their level of veracity. Some are inconsequential, some result in a weighty outcome and some are devastating. What’s wild is our own sincere surprise when the results appear. “Oh man, I gained two pounds this week! How could that happen when I’m trying to LOSE WEIGHT?!” 🤔
Why do we lie to ourselves?
1. We think of ourself one way and this behavior reveals incongruence with our own self image.
2. We know it’s a weakness and wish it would change, but since we haven’t put in the work to alter it, we’ll just act as if it isn’t so.
3. We hope somehow the consequence of these actions won’t happen, so believing it’s not true, facilitates the delayed results.
It’s a curious matter when we deny transparency and honesty with ourselves. I have friends who were in AA and invited me to go with them a few times. The level of vulnerability in those meetings and the kinds of conversations they had shook and challenged me. It’s like their souls were translucent which somehow exposed mine. Their self-awareness and ability to articulate clearly and publicly their “character defects” was astounding.
Humanity & society would be better if we practiced AA level of humility.
Instigating Ideas
1. What’s a lie you like to believe about yourself?
2. What’s a consequence you keep hoping doesn’t occur?
3. Create a list of words you feel when someone lies to you?
What if I started out a conversation with you by saying “I’m lying to you.” – then proceeded to tell you something? Or after I’ve told you a story, I say “most of that wasn’t true.” How would you respond? How would it affect our relationship? What if I did that regularly with you?
Obviously you’d stop believing, trusting or even being in relationship with me. So what happens when we lie to ourselves? It fractures our soul, so our mind is conditioned to make the lie true, so we can live with ourselves. It’s an interesting dynamic.
When someone lies to you and me it’s because they’ve already lied to themselves and believed it. Recognizing that fuels mercy.
I genuinely want to lose weight! Yet I want to avoid the reality of my squishy commitment also.😞 What I appreciate about WW (and Grace) is that the next morning it starts over fresh again, giving me the option to make and acknowledge all my choices.