Hi Friend
The big news this week is what actually happened the previous week (that I told you I’d share). I got engaged. I have spared you the details of my tragically hilarious dating life these last few years. To say it’s been an adventure would be a gross understatement. There are plenty of folks who do know the details and probably wish they didn’t.
The lovely woman who has been duped into marrying me is otherworldly. She’s a better kind of human than I am. Her essence is angelic. I like to mention that as a 3rd grade teacher she relates to me and my energy extremely well. I posted a one-minute video of me proposing to her in front of her third-grade class on LinkedIn, if you haven’t seen it.
What I love about Michelle isn’t just her purity of spirit, but her ability to learn, grow, change and transform. When she and I met, we were quite different people than we are now. The metamorphosis she has undertaken reveals a depth of character and tenacious commitment that I admire greatly. I’m inspired by her choices.
I won’t force upon you my gushing’s of this undeniably captivating creature. Suffice it to say, I feel like I’m being rewarded. Her becoming my wife gives me a second chance at surrender and sacrifice; an opportunity to love in a divine way that requires the totality of my soul’s service.
ENGAGEMENT IS NOT ENOUGH
The engagement period will be brief. We’re getting married pretty quickly because we’re half a century into life already. In my work, people consistently speak of “employee engagement” as the ultimate metric for job satisfaction, productivity, healthy cultures and what they want more of. Yet it’s insufficient.
Whether 50, 29, 74 or 36, neither the woman nor man are content to stop at engagement. Would you want to be engaged for nine years and never move forward into marriage? What’s the point of being engaged, if we’re not going to take the next step? When we meet people who have been engaged for a longer-than-normal period of time we think or say “What are you waiting for? You will never be fully prepared or ready! Get on with it!”
MARRIAGE AT WORK
So why is “engagement” the highest goal at work? Probably because it feels weird and even negative to say we are married to our work. There are those who like the idea of work being a “family” and there are those who don’t – because you can’t fire family. You know me, I’m convinced the progression is from engagement to ownership. When two people marry, they share ownership.
Granted most businesses aren’t ESOPs or even publicly traded, so literal ownership isn’t a viable option. Cultivating an ownership culture certainly is though.
I didn’t mean to slide into work mode. This engagement has me contemplating so much. How we navigate “owning” our own lives, homes, families… mostly our own choices, seems to be a challenging step. There are plenty who don’t own their own existence, unfortunately. Do you ever make excuses to not own the consequences of your choices?
Instigating Ideas…
1. Compliment someone you love.
2. Assess where you’re engaged and if you need to make a stronger, deeper commitment.
3. Encourage someone who has owned their decisions and suffered for it.
I’m regularly still amazed at how many grown adult humans blame others or circumstances for their actions, words, lack-of-actions or responses. It’s incredibly easy to justify our behaviors in light of another. It’s just not useful or entirely accurate. Granted others do affect us. Especially those in close proximity.
PRACTICE LOVE
In some form or fashion, every day, I think about ownership. It’s a practice of love to find a way to be 100% responsible for every word and action we offer. It’s loving of others and of ourselves. When we assign others the responsibility for our choices, we diminish our own light.
Michelle has a much bigger heart than I do. Her contemplations of love lean towards the emotional, while mine lean towards the logical. Love is a choice. Love is a feeling. They are both true. Neither are sufficient in isolation. Looky there. Turns out I believe love is ownership and ownership is love.
I hope this week you go hard in ownership and love; finding ways to be fully responsible while encouraging others to do the same… for the sake of love. Even maybe at work you can own your role and not just be engaged.